The Small Things Chronic Illness Took From Me

When people think about chronic illness, they usually think about the big things.

The doctor's appointments.

The medications.

The surgeries.

Those things are definitely part of the story.

But honestly?

Some of the hardest losses weren't the big ones.

They were the little things I never thought twice about until they were gone.

Leaving the house without thinking about it.

Most people grab their keys and head out the door.

I grabbed my sunglasses, ibuprofen, Icy Hot patches, mini scissors, instant ice packs, blue light glasses, electrolyte packets...and, of course, my water bottle.

I wasn't being overly prepared.

I was trying to make sure I could get through the day if a headache hit.

After a while, it just became normal.

Enjoying a sunny day.

I used to really enjoy being outside.

But there were so many days when the sun felt like too much for me to handle.

Instead of enjoying the sunshine, I would look for shade or reach for my sunglasses.

Something as simple as walking across a parking lot could make my headache a lot worse.

It's funny how you don't realize what a gift an ordinary day is until it doesn't feel ordinary anymore.

Making plans without wondering how I'd feel.

I don't remember making plans without also wondering, "What if I wake up with a bad headache?"

Most of the time, I still went.

I pushed through because I didn't want to miss out.

But there was always that little question in the back of my mind.

Would today be a manageable day?

Or one of the really hard ones?

Concentrating on what was right in front of me.

I was in high school and college during most of this.

There were days I'd sit in class trying so hard to pay attention, but my headache kept pulling my focus away.

I'd reread the same paragraph.

I'd realize I had no idea what the teacher had just said.

Not because I didn't care.

Because pain is distracting.

Feeling carefree.

This one is hard to explain.

When you're living with chronic pain, it's almost like a part of your brain is always on alert.

You're constantly thinking ahead.

"What if I get a headache?"

"Do I have what I need?"

"How long am I going to be gone?"

Even on good days, there was always a little part of me preparing for a bad one.

Being believed without having to explain myself.

This might be the one I miss the most.

I got so used to explaining my symptoms.

Trying to describe my headaches.

Wondering if people believed me.

Wondering if they thought I was exaggerating.

I didn't want sympathy.

I just wanted to be understood.

Looking back, chronic illness took a lot of little things from me.

Things I didn't even realize I would miss.

But it also taught me something.

It taught me to notice the little blessings too.

A day when my headache wasn't as bad.

A walk outside that I could actually enjoy.

A conversation where I wasn't distracted by pain.

The ability to leave the house without packing my med bag.

Those things might seem small.

But to me, they aren't small at all.

If you're living with a chronic illness, I know you've probably lost some little things too.

Maybe your list looks different than mine.

But I hope you're also finding little reasons to be thankful along the way.

Because sometimes God's faithfulness shows up in the smallest moments; the ones we might have overlooked before.

"Because of the Lord's faithful love we do not perish, for his mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness!" — Lamentations 3:22–23 (CSB)